dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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