coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
