lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
