Jerry, you need to find god
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
