but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
