my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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