I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
