dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
