I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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