i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
