sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
