STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
