Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
