Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
