this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
