if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
