My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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