I think i peed on brittanys purse
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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