Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
