Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
