wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
