Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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