wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
