I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
