Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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