i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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