I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
