i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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