Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
