Ambien. No doubt about it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
