Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
