I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
