he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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