I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
