I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
