Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
