I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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