I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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