if i died would you start the facebook group?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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