you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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