I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
