sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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