im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize