what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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