Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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