I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
