I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
