I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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