trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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