think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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