Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
