Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
