RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
