You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
