I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
