Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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