I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
