I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
