I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
