What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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