If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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