If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
