I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
