um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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