I think I am morally bankrupt
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
