My liver just broke up with me...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
