u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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