THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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