I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My liver just had a heart attack.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
