A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
