We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
