it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
birth control should be required to get into college
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
