I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
