just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
