Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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