I wish I could teleport
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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