So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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