I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
