Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my phone needs a breathalizer
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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