Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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